We’ve all been there. Tight deadlines at work, laundry piling up, your family’s favorite foods are running low in the fridge, and doctors’ appointments and soccer practice on opposite sides of town have somehow overlapped…again.
It’s hard to find time to stop our minds from racing and take some time to recharge. For parents and caregivers of loved ones with disabilities, it’s especially difficult. Research from the Cleveland Clinic shows stress and burnout can affect more than 60% of caregivers, making it harder for them to provide empathetic care, connect with significant others, and support any other children or dependents in the home.
What is burnout?
Caregiver burnout is the result of constant caregiving for one or more people, and is marked by significant emotional, mental and even physical exhaustion. Many caregivers experience bouts of burnout, however parents and caregivers of individuals with disabilities often have more responsibilities than the typical household. From booking appointments, to giving medications, to physical lifting and moving of the loved one, the obligations quickly stack up and isolation can often develop.
While experiencing burnout, health can deteriorate and the potential for depression can increase, which can lead to poor decision-making and unintentional mistakes. These not only impact the caregiver, but dependent loved ones under their care as well.
Why is respite necessary?
Respite is defined as a temporary pause or interval of rest, especially during a period of intense work, difficulty, or discomfort (TL;DR – taking a break). It’s not a luxury, it’s a necessity. Plain and simple. It’s the equivalent of making sure you put your oxygen mask on first if the airplane is losing cabin pressure—in a nutshell, you can’t properly care for others if you yourself are not being cared for.
When you have respite time scheduled, some recommended self-care activities that parents and caregivers can do to refresh their energy levels and strengthen their bonds can include:
- Enjoying a date together – For caregivers in relationships, having time to connect romantically can not only be fun (dinner and a movie, yes please!) but can remind a couple that they’re a team. This feeling of connectedness can reduce friction at home and increase shared empathy.
- Spending time with other family members – Caregivers can also have other children, siblings and parents of their own who may need them. Being with family – attending a son’s karate class, getting a meal with an auntie to catch up or helping an elderly parent – is also important for maintaining healthy family relationships.
- Getting into a hobby – Many times, it’s easy to drop hobbies while slammed with caregiving duties. Respite time is an opportunity to regain a sense of self and get back into a favorite activity or try something new, whether it’s a painting class, a weekly hike or karaoke nights with friends.
How to get respite
Hiring a qualified babysitter or caregiver who can manage your loved one’s diagnosis is the first step. This can be a family member, or someone hired from a local resource or agency – the most important thing is that they are familiar with caregiving for someone with autism, Down syndrome, or any other intellectual or developmental disability. When hiring someone new, it’s important to review their experience and check their references.
Once you have a caregiver (or a few to have in rotation) lined up, consider setting a regular day and time for respite – even 1 hour per week can help. Regular visits can build familiarity between your loved one and the hired caregiver, letting the connection evolve into a reliable friendship that gives your loved one self-confidence, socialization and joy. Clue your hired caregiver into your loved one’s interests, behaviors, goals and specialized techniques you’re working on in treatment so they can keep these in mind while they’re with your loved one.
Pro Tip: When budgeting family finances, it can be helpful to set aside a certain amount per month for respite if burnout is a concern at home – whether it’s for caregiver payments or activity costs.
You deserve to find time to take those necessary breaks to keep burnout at bay. It might seem daunting at first, but when you have support from family and friends to get a respite system set up and a reliable caregiver to tap in when you’re ready to tap out, you – and your family – will be able to reap the numerous benefits.